All it took me was a lesson from my friend, Soren
Kierkegaard.
I was on my way to reading the 10th
chapter of John Green’s ‘The Fault in our
Stars’ when the beadle knocked on my door.
“Let me see that”, he said. I handed him the book. He took
it then whispered “Lights off!” with his annoying facial expression.
Congratulations, self! You just let that idiot take your
book.
As I surrender my head, face
first, on my pillow after the beadle left, I was already burning with anger.
Then, my mind was already constructing so many ideas like putting him down
through my column in our school paper by enumerating his endless flaws or like
breaking rules to piss him more and so on. I fell asleep with my soul saying:
“Did he just took my book and deprived me of reading? I swear I’ll die before I
let this slide!”
When I opened my eyes, I
immediately saw my newly-purchased John Green shelf with a small space between
the Paper Towns and Looking for Alaska that made me remember
everything that happened last night. By then, I was again enraged that resulted
to me, not being able to concentrate on praying and on the celebration of the
mass.
Thanks, man! |
My brain was so busy planning for
revenge when I accidentally heard the priest (our class’ adviser and my very
own spiritual director), delivering his homily by relating the gospel with the
Existentialist Philosopher Soren Kierkegaard’s Subjective Truth.
By that my whole self was put to
pondering. Kierkegaard, in relation to his subjective truth, said that the
thing is to find the truth which is true for me, the idea with which I can live
and die.
I believe in the truth that I did
nothing wrong in last night’s incident. It was the idea which is true for me
and that made everything right like the plans for revenge and the ideas of
putting him down and so on. But then, thinking about it, it doesn’t even look
right. Then what is all this? Is Kierkegaard wrong?
That thought made me realize my
part. The idea of me, doing nothing wrong last night wasn’t the truth even for
my very own self to believe. I was the one who is wrong the whole time. The
problem for me is that I wasn’t brave to accept it.
Kierkegaard was right on the
subjective truth, indeed. The truth really isn’t something that can be handed
out on a plate. It is something found, accepted and committed through a painful
way.
Now the truth is that I broke a
rule. I guess it’s time to face it and commit to that truth. Thanks for the
lesson Kierkegaard. (February 19, 2016)
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